It usually starts quietly. Nothing dramatic has happened. No big blow-up. Just a feeling that something’s shifted.
This is one of those questions that sounds light hearted on the surface but usually comes from a very honest place. Most people aren’t asking because they had a terrible week. They’re asking because the feeling has been lingering.
The trickiest part is that work relationships don’t end in one clear moment. They fade. They change. And sometimes you don’t notice until you stop and really think about it.
So let’s talk through how I usually help someone work this out.
First, separate a bad phase from a deeper issue
Every job has rough patches. A tough project, a new manager, a stressful quarter, or just plain burn out can all cloud how you feel.
Before jumping to big conclusions, ask yourself a simple question.
“If this one thing improved, would I feel differently about my job?”
If the answer is yes, you might be dealing with a season, not a breakup.
If the answer is no, even if conditions were better, you’d still feel stuck; that’s worth paying attention to.
A lot of people confuse exhaustion with disengagement. They feel flat, but it’s because they haven’t had a proper break or their workload has crept up over time.
Pay attention to what’s changed in you
One of the biggest clues isn’t the job itself, it’s how you’ve changed inside it.
You might notice things like:
None ofthese are red flags on their own. But together, they often signal that the job no longer stretches or excites you in the same way.
People sometimes tell me they feel ungrateful for thinking this way. But outgrowing a role doesn’t mean it was a bad one. It just means it may no longer fit who you are now.
Ask yourself what you’re staying for
This can be an uncomfortable but useful exercise.
If you’re honest, what’s keeping you there?
There’s no wrong answer. But if most of the reasons are practical or fear-based, and very little about the work itself, that usually tells you something.
On the flipside, if the work still matters to you but one or two things feel off, that’s often something you can try to address internally first.
Notice how you talk about your job
This one is subtle, but very telling.
When you talk about work with friends or family, what comes out? Do you vent every time? Do you downplay what you do? Do you change the subject quickly?
Or do you still find yourself talking things through, thinking out loud about problems, or sharing ideas you want to explore?
The way youspeak about your job often reflects how connected you still feel to it.
You don’t need a dramatic reason to leave
One of the biggest myths I see is that you need a clear, negative reason to move on.
You don’t.
It’s enoughto say:
“I’ve learned what I needed to learn here.”
“I don’t feel like I’m growing anymore.”
“I want something different, even if this is fine.”
Careers aren’t meant to be one long commitment. They’re a series of chapters. Some endloudly. Others just quietly reach their natural conclusion.
What to do before making any big decisions
Before you mentally check out or rush into action, I usually suggest three things.
First, name the feeling properly. Is it boredom, burnout, frustration, or misalignment? Each one points to a different next step.
Second, test the market gently. You don’t have to apply for roles. Just notice what catches your eye and why.
Third, talk it through with someone neutral. Not someone who will panic you or push you, but someone who understands careers and context.
Clarity usually comes from reflection, not pressure.
The bottomline
Being unsure doesn’t mean you’re failing at your career. It usually means you’re paying attention.
You’re allowed to question your work. You’re allowed to change your mind. And you’re allowed to want more without having a dramatic story to justify it.
Sometimes staying is the right choice. Sometimes leaving is. The goal isn’t to rush a decision; it’s to understand yourself well enough to make one that feels steady, not reactive.
Got a question for an upcoming #AskAmelia?
Email me at askamelia@campfirerecruitment.co.nz, and your question could be featured in the next post.