Most of us have had a manager moment.
Not a dramatic, Jerry Maguire-style “Who’s coming with me?” storm-out-of-the-office moment.
More the quiet kind. You realise you’re becoming increasingly frustrated, and that you’re starting to resent them.
Then one day, you realise the relationship with your manager is starting to take up more headspace than the actual job.
That’s usually when people start asking:
“I like my job… I just don’t like my manager. What should I do?”
Saying “I just don’t like my manager” might be true, but it’s not specific enough to act on. The issue could be operating style, unclear expectations, accountability, lack of support, or behaviour.
Those are very different problems, and they need very different responses.
1. Is it a mismatch in operating style?
Sometimes the issue is simply a difference in how you and your manager prefer to work.
You may like to work through options out loud, while they expect a clear recommendation. You may prefer test-and-learn, while they want stronger evidence before changing direction. You may focus on speed, while they’re more concerned with risk, consistency, or stakeholder alignment.
That can be frustrating, but it’s not automatically a bad manager problem. It may be an operating style problem.
Have you agreed how you’ll work together? Do they want early input or a final recommendation? Do they prefer informal updates or structured reporting?
A mismatch in operating style is often fixable if you treat it as a working agreement issue, not a personality issue.
2. Are expectations unclear?
Other times, the issue is less about how you work together and more about what you’re expected to deliver.
You may not be clear on what success looks like, which outcomes matter most, or how your performance is being assessed.
That can quickly become a problem, especially in roles where priorities shift, stakeholders have strong opinions, and “good” can be highly subjective.
If expectations are unclear, don’t wait for them to become a performance issue. Ask what matters most, what strong performance looks like, and how your impact will be judged.
3. Are expectations clear, but you’re not meeting them?
This is the part that can be uncomfortable to consider.
Sometimes tension with a manager comes from being challenged, held accountable, or given feedback that’s difficult to hear. That doesn’t automatically mean the manager is wrong.
Sometimes feedback feels difficult because it’s touching on something important: your work, behaviour, judgement, or results may not be where they need to be for this role.
Before deciding your manager is the problem, be honest with yourself. Are they managing poorly, or are they holding you to a standard you’re finding difficult to meet?
Those are very different things.
And if, on reflection, you’re not performing at the level required, the next point is worth considering.
4. Are you getting what you need to perform?
Sometimes the issue is that you don’t have the context, access, resource, or decision-making support needed to do the job well.
That might mean unclear commercial priorities, too many competing projects, limited budget, weak data, slow approvals, unclear accountability, or poor alignment across the business.
If you’re expected to deliver results without the right inputs, frustration is understandable. But be specific. “I need more support” is too vague. Identify what’s getting in the way and what decision, context, or resource would help resolve it.
5. Is the manager’s behaviour genuinely affecting you?
There is a difference between being challenged and being undermined.
Work comes with scrutiny. Your ideas may be challenged. Your results may be questioned. Your decisions may be tested.
But if you are second-guessing every decision, avoiding communication, feeling consistently dismissed, or losing confidence because of how your manager behaves, that is when leaving may become a more serious option.
But even so: where appropriate, have the conversation. Focus on outcomes, not personality. Be clear about what’s not working and what would help you perform better.
Don’t speak badly about your manager in interviews. It rarely lands well.
Instead, keep your explanation measured. Talk about the environment you work best in, the type of leadership that helps you perform, and the contribution you want to make next.
For example:
“I’ve realised I do my best work in an environment with clear commercial priorities, open communication, and trust to take ownership. I’m looking for a role where that’s more aligned.”
Final thought
If there’s an issue with your manager, deal with it early.
Small frustrations become bigger problems when they’re left to sit. Also remember that your manager is human. They have pressure from above, competing priorities, deadlines, team issues, and their own blind spots. That context matters.
That doesn’t excuse poor behaviour. But it does mean you should be clear, fair, and practical before deciding the relationship can’t work.
Work out what the issue is. Raise it professionally. Watch what changes.
If nothing shifts after that, the role may not be the right environment to continue in.
Got a question for an upcoming #AskAmelia?
Email me at askamelia@campfirerecruitment.co.nz, and your question could be featured in the next post.